A job I couldn't do...

Life is coming at me very fast. I teeter on the edge of graduation, with only six months left before I am stripped of my last claims to irresponsibility. So I am constantly on craigslist entertaining the thought of employment, but there are usually three problems.

1) I am not qualified enough for the job

2) Motherfuckers want you to work for nothing (working for college credit really means "come be my slave")

3) The job is just not for me...at all...ever

I ran into a post for a job that defines problem number three.

Now, the desperation of expanding my resume and clearing my credit card debt has me looking in all the crevises of job sites under the "writing/editing" section. The tag line for this job post was "Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website." I figured, "Hey, I've had sex, I can get down with some porn, if it pays well, why the hell not...I can get these fucking Wells Fargo vultures off my back, too." But ... well, here is the ad (or you can scroll down if it is outdated):

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wri/471139022.html

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Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website

Reply to: job-471139022@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-06, 5:24PM PST


Gay Adult video retail website is seeking an in home writer to watch gay porn videos online and write 500 to 1000 word descriptions / narrative about the videos they watched. We are looking for people that can watch videos objectively across 30 or so gay porn niches and give an unbiased, honest review / description / narrative of the video without injecting personal feelings of like or dislike of the genre into the subject matter. Output should be at least 30 videos watched / narratives written per month. Watch free gay porn online and get paid to write about it too! Contact us with a sample of your writing. We will then give you online access to watch a video and expect an audition piece to be written before we make our decision on awarding these contracts. If you like to write and like to watch gay porn, this extra income job is just perfect for you! Contact us now and let's get started.


Location: Open
Compensation: Free Online Video Account and Per Narrative Fee
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a contract job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

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Imagine trying to do this job. The mental strain it would have on you, be it you are gay or straight. If you are a gay man, assuming you aren't a prude gay man, how are you going to make it through 30 videos a month without your dick chaffing from the inevitable masturbation-a-thon you will go through during said month? And after you get off, how are you even going to make it through the rest of the scene, let alone the rest of the video, let alone the rest of the 29 other videos, let alone write 500-1000 fucking words on essentially the same thing, only varying in degrees of debauchery? If you make it half-way, the mental images will engulf your everyday life and then you can't close your eyes without seeing a penis and shuttering. Shit, you might even turn straight.

If you are a straight male, the reprecussion hits in a different way. First of all, you won't make it all the way unless financial ruin looms on the horizons, threatening to take what little money you have left that is allocated toward rent, top ramen and weed. But lets say you tell yourself you are strong and can make it through, and you do. Then one day when your are trying to have sex with a girl and can't sustain a boner, guess where your mind is gonna turn to for assistance--the 30 niches of gay porn you watched and reviewed to pay your bills. Shit, you might even turn gay.