Fat-tastic

Okay, I know that we Americans have a reputation in the world for being some fat folks. And there is a lot of truth to that, however, there are 2 main reasons we are so plump in comparison to the other 95% of the world...they are: On average, your food tastes like shit. I am wrong? Seriously, world? Criticize all you want, but you know for fucking sure that when you were a kid, you would drop everything you were doing to go to McDonald's. And even though you have sworn off eating it for your health, your weight, some lame protest against all things American, or what have you, the smell of those fries makes your mouth water.

Anyway, the second reason is that we, unlike the rest of you pussies, are willing to DIE for a good meal. Not like "You can shoot me in the face if I can have a country-fried kobe beef steak, slathered in portabella," that is stupid. No, I mean we are pursuing the peaks of what a pallet can handle, what divine tastes await us at the far reaches of culinary possibilities, what entices our inner glutton to reveal itself, with such passion and vigor that we are willing to risk our very lives. To say we are "fat" is dismissive to our effort. While you sit there, thin and only know of taste in degrees of saltiness, our tongues have danced with the flavors intended for kings or, dare I say, gods.

It is only from these burning fires of passion to redefine what is delicious that the following recipe can be bestowed upon mankind:

http://food.yahoo.com/blog/ahamburgertoday/5226/how-to-make-a-deep-fried-cheese-stuffed-burger-from-bacon
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Craeted by Kirk Draut, who runs www.peppersandsmoke.com

How To Make: Deep-Fried Cheese-Stuffed Cheeseburgers Made From Bacon

Equipment:

-Meat grinder (or stand-mixer meat-grinder attachment )
-Deep-fryer (or a stockpot with boil basket )
-Deep-fry or candy thermometer (preferably one that clips on to side of pot)
Meat thermometer

Ingredients:

-1 pound bacon
-1 to 2 sticks mozzarella string cheese, cut into small pieces
-Packaged beer-batter mix
-A neutral-flavored oil, for frying (safflower oil, peanut oil, or vegetable shortening work well)
-Your favorite hamburger bun
-The cheese of your choice
-The condiments of your choice

Procedure:

1. Run the bacon through the meat grinder once—and then a second time, to evenly distribute fat and meat.

2. Form two equal-size patties, making an indentation in the center of one to hold the cheese. Place the cheese in the indentation of the bottom patty, cover with the top patty, and crimp the edges tightly to seal. Make sure seal is tight so cheese does not leak out.

3. Place oil in your deep-fryer, and allow it to come to frying temperature. If you don't have a deep-fryer, use a stockpot with a boil basket, along with a deep-fry thermometer that clips to the side. Heat oil over high heat to 365°F. (Note: Depending on the oil, it will begin to burn between 400 and 450°F and will catch fire around 500°F. So be very careful to monitor temperature.) Once the oil reaches 365°F, reduce heat to low and monitor temperature, keeping oil at 365°F.

4. Meanwhile, prepare the beer-batter mix according to package instructions. Dredge patty in mix. Place patty in boil basket and lower gently into hot oil. Cook until patty's internal temperature registers 160°F on a meat thermometer.

5. Remove from oil, drain on paper towels. Serve on bun, topped with the cheese and condiments of your choice. (Note: Be careful not to bite into this too soon after cooking. The molten cheese could deliver quite a scalding.)

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You are welcome, World.

Love, then War,

America.

P.S. To Italy, Korea, Brazil, Panama, Japan, Mexico, Iran, Greece, Thailand, Cuba, pho, paella, lumpia, tandoori chicken, poutine, fish & chips, doner, I was just kidding. The rest of you, step your game up.

P.S.S. Desserts don't count, we have all been playing catch-up with France since the inception of the term "baked goods."