One take was all it took....SLICED BRREEEEAAAAADDD!
Thankyou!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Walk On Niggas, Walk On
Ralph Bakshi made this amazing cartoon, called "Coonskin," that parodied blaxploitation cinema during the 70s, while also addressing a lot of racial and cultural issues that have, unfortunately, become embedded in the american identity. Even now, you can see how a lot of the stuff addressed in the film apply today. However, I try not to bring too much preachiness on here; the original draw this movie had on me is wasn't the racial or cultural significance of it's contents, but the fact that Barry White plays one of the characters and the intro song, posted up here and sung by Scatman Crothers (not to be confused with Scatman John), called "Nigga Man." The movie only gets better from there.
Here is a quote from Bakshi as to how he got away with making this film under the nose of big studio execs...
"Bakshi: I told them it was a remake of Song of the South set in Harlem. I told them I want to make the Uncle Remus stories. And then I started to make my film. No one's got time to hang out with an animator ... so it can be very subversive work.
They all thought they were going to make fortunes. That's how I got these films made. It was rope a dope. What these guys thought I was making and what I was making were two different things.
If you're making movies, the decision you have to make is: whether you're going let them take you, or whether you're going to con them into letting you think they take you. Contracts mean nothing, really. Every one of the films I pitched was different than the films I made. You can't beat 'em financially, so you trick them. While they think they're taking me, I'm taking them. I never thought I'd make a whole film. It still stuns me that I got so many done. Because I never fought them."
You can peep the rest of the interview here
The Bloods Win!
Leave it to the bloods to get over the bullshit hype of being thugged out and try something new to net an unlikely fanfare.
Meanwhile, the crips' spokesman does shit like this
A return to form
It's been a looong time, so the next few (or many) posts will be a lot of catch-up work, which means less text and more youtube. Sadly, we haven't been doing anything interesting, but at least I plan to be back.
Blackula IN.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Fat-tastic
Okay, I know that we Americans have a reputation in the world for being some fat folks. And there is a lot of truth to that, however, there are 2 main reasons we are so plump in comparison to the other 95% of the world...they are: On average, your food tastes like shit. I am wrong? Seriously, world? Criticize all you want, but you know for fucking sure that when you were a kid, you would drop everything you were doing to go to McDonald's. And even though you have sworn off eating it for your health, your weight, some lame protest against all things American, or what have you, the smell of those fries makes your mouth water.
Anyway, the second reason is that we, unlike the rest of you pussies, are willing to DIE for a good meal. Not like "You can shoot me in the face if I can have a country-fried kobe beef steak, slathered in portabella," that is stupid. No, I mean we are pursuing the peaks of what a pallet can handle, what divine tastes await us at the far reaches of culinary possibilities, what entices our inner glutton to reveal itself, with such passion and vigor that we are willing to risk our very lives. To say we are "fat" is dismissive to our effort. While you sit there, thin and only know of taste in degrees of saltiness, our tongues have danced with the flavors intended for kings or, dare I say, gods.
It is only from these burning fires of passion to redefine what is delicious that the following recipe can be bestowed upon mankind:
http://food.yahoo.com/blog/ahamburgertoday/5226/how-to-make-a-deep-fried-cheese-stuffed-burger-from-bacon
----------------------------------
Craeted by Kirk Draut, who runs www.peppersandsmoke.com
How To Make: Deep-Fried Cheese-Stuffed Cheeseburgers Made From Bacon
Equipment:
-Meat grinder (or stand-mixer meat-grinder attachment )
-Deep-fryer (or a stockpot with boil basket )
-Deep-fry or candy thermometer (preferably one that clips on to side of pot)
Meat thermometer
Ingredients:
-1 pound bacon
-1 to 2 sticks mozzarella string cheese, cut into small pieces
-Packaged beer-batter mix
-A neutral-flavored oil, for frying (safflower oil, peanut oil, or vegetable shortening work well)
-Your favorite hamburger bun
-The cheese of your choice
-The condiments of your choice
Procedure:
1. Run the bacon through the meat grinder once—and then a second time, to evenly distribute fat and meat.
2. Form two equal-size patties, making an indentation in the center of one to hold the cheese. Place the cheese in the indentation of the bottom patty, cover with the top patty, and crimp the edges tightly to seal. Make sure seal is tight so cheese does not leak out.
3. Place oil in your deep-fryer, and allow it to come to frying temperature. If you don't have a deep-fryer, use a stockpot with a boil basket, along with a deep-fry thermometer that clips to the side. Heat oil over high heat to 365°F. (Note: Depending on the oil, it will begin to burn between 400 and 450°F and will catch fire around 500°F. So be very careful to monitor temperature.) Once the oil reaches 365°F, reduce heat to low and monitor temperature, keeping oil at 365°F.
4. Meanwhile, prepare the beer-batter mix according to package instructions. Dredge patty in mix. Place patty in boil basket and lower gently into hot oil. Cook until patty's internal temperature registers 160°F on a meat thermometer.
5. Remove from oil, drain on paper towels. Serve on bun, topped with the cheese and condiments of your choice. (Note: Be careful not to bite into this too soon after cooking. The molten cheese could deliver quite a scalding.)
-------------------
You are welcome, World.
Love, then War,
America.
P.S. To Italy, Korea, Brazil, Panama, Japan, Mexico, Iran, Greece, Thailand, Cuba, pho, paella, lumpia, tandoori chicken, poutine, fish & chips, doner, I was just kidding. The rest of you, step your game up.
P.S.S. Desserts don't count, we have all been playing catch-up with France since the inception of the term "baked goods."
Anyway, the second reason is that we, unlike the rest of you pussies, are willing to DIE for a good meal. Not like "You can shoot me in the face if I can have a country-fried kobe beef steak, slathered in portabella," that is stupid. No, I mean we are pursuing the peaks of what a pallet can handle, what divine tastes await us at the far reaches of culinary possibilities, what entices our inner glutton to reveal itself, with such passion and vigor that we are willing to risk our very lives. To say we are "fat" is dismissive to our effort. While you sit there, thin and only know of taste in degrees of saltiness, our tongues have danced with the flavors intended for kings or, dare I say, gods.
It is only from these burning fires of passion to redefine what is delicious that the following recipe can be bestowed upon mankind:
http://food.yahoo.com/blog/ahamburgertoday/5226/how-to-make-a-deep-fried-cheese-stuffed-burger-from-bacon
----------------------------------
Craeted by Kirk Draut, who runs www.peppersandsmoke.com
How To Make: Deep-Fried Cheese-Stuffed Cheeseburgers Made From Bacon
Equipment:
-Meat grinder (or stand-mixer meat-grinder attachment )
-Deep-fryer (or a stockpot with boil basket )
-Deep-fry or candy thermometer (preferably one that clips on to side of pot)
Meat thermometer
Ingredients:
-1 pound bacon
-1 to 2 sticks mozzarella string cheese, cut into small pieces
-Packaged beer-batter mix
-A neutral-flavored oil, for frying (safflower oil, peanut oil, or vegetable shortening work well)
-Your favorite hamburger bun
-The cheese of your choice
-The condiments of your choice
Procedure:
1. Run the bacon through the meat grinder once—and then a second time, to evenly distribute fat and meat.
2. Form two equal-size patties, making an indentation in the center of one to hold the cheese. Place the cheese in the indentation of the bottom patty, cover with the top patty, and crimp the edges tightly to seal. Make sure seal is tight so cheese does not leak out.
3. Place oil in your deep-fryer, and allow it to come to frying temperature. If you don't have a deep-fryer, use a stockpot with a boil basket, along with a deep-fry thermometer that clips to the side. Heat oil over high heat to 365°F. (Note: Depending on the oil, it will begin to burn between 400 and 450°F and will catch fire around 500°F. So be very careful to monitor temperature.) Once the oil reaches 365°F, reduce heat to low and monitor temperature, keeping oil at 365°F.
4. Meanwhile, prepare the beer-batter mix according to package instructions. Dredge patty in mix. Place patty in boil basket and lower gently into hot oil. Cook until patty's internal temperature registers 160°F on a meat thermometer.
5. Remove from oil, drain on paper towels. Serve on bun, topped with the cheese and condiments of your choice. (Note: Be careful not to bite into this too soon after cooking. The molten cheese could deliver quite a scalding.)
-------------------
You are welcome, World.
Love, then War,
America.
P.S. To Italy, Korea, Brazil, Panama, Japan, Mexico, Iran, Greece, Thailand, Cuba, pho, paella, lumpia, tandoori chicken, poutine, fish & chips, doner, I was just kidding. The rest of you, step your game up.
P.S.S. Desserts don't count, we have all been playing catch-up with France since the inception of the term "baked goods."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A job I couldn't do...
Life is coming at me very fast. I teeter on the edge of graduation, with only six months left before I am stripped of my last claims to irresponsibility. So I am constantly on craigslist entertaining the thought of employment, but there are usually three problems.
1) I am not qualified enough for the job
2) Motherfuckers want you to work for nothing (working for college credit really means "come be my slave")
3) The job is just not for me...at all...ever
I ran into a post for a job that defines problem number three.
Now, the desperation of expanding my resume and clearing my credit card debt has me looking in all the crevises of job sites under the "writing/editing" section. The tag line for this job post was "Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website." I figured, "Hey, I've had sex, I can get down with some porn, if it pays well, why the hell not...I can get these fucking Wells Fargo vultures off my back, too." But ... well, here is the ad (or you can scroll down if it is outdated):
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wri/471139022.html
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website
Reply to: job-471139022@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-06, 5:24PM PST
Gay Adult video retail website is seeking an in home writer to watch gay porn videos online and write 500 to 1000 word descriptions / narrative about the videos they watched. We are looking for people that can watch videos objectively across 30 or so gay porn niches and give an unbiased, honest review / description / narrative of the video without injecting personal feelings of like or dislike of the genre into the subject matter. Output should be at least 30 videos watched / narratives written per month. Watch free gay porn online and get paid to write about it too! Contact us with a sample of your writing. We will then give you online access to watch a video and expect an audition piece to be written before we make our decision on awarding these contracts. If you like to write and like to watch gay porn, this extra income job is just perfect for you! Contact us now and let's get started.
Location: Open
Compensation: Free Online Video Account and Per Narrative Fee
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a contract job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine trying to do this job. The mental strain it would have on you, be it you are gay or straight. If you are a gay man, assuming you aren't a prude gay man, how are you going to make it through 30 videos a month without your dick chaffing from the inevitable masturbation-a-thon you will go through during said month? And after you get off, how are you even going to make it through the rest of the scene, let alone the rest of the video, let alone the rest of the 29 other videos, let alone write 500-1000 fucking words on essentially the same thing, only varying in degrees of debauchery? If you make it half-way, the mental images will engulf your everyday life and then you can't close your eyes without seeing a penis and shuttering. Shit, you might even turn straight.
If you are a straight male, the reprecussion hits in a different way. First of all, you won't make it all the way unless financial ruin looms on the horizons, threatening to take what little money you have left that is allocated toward rent, top ramen and weed. But lets say you tell yourself you are strong and can make it through, and you do. Then one day when your are trying to have sex with a girl and can't sustain a boner, guess where your mind is gonna turn to for assistance--the 30 niches of gay porn you watched and reviewed to pay your bills. Shit, you might even turn gay.
1) I am not qualified enough for the job
2) Motherfuckers want you to work for nothing (working for college credit really means "come be my slave")
3) The job is just not for me...at all...ever
I ran into a post for a job that defines problem number three.
Now, the desperation of expanding my resume and clearing my credit card debt has me looking in all the crevises of job sites under the "writing/editing" section. The tag line for this job post was "Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website." I figured, "Hey, I've had sex, I can get down with some porn, if it pays well, why the hell not...I can get these fucking Wells Fargo vultures off my back, too." But ... well, here is the ad (or you can scroll down if it is outdated):
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wri/471139022.html
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Write Video Narratives for Adult Online Retail Website
Reply to: job-471139022@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-06, 5:24PM PST
Gay Adult video retail website is seeking an in home writer to watch gay porn videos online and write 500 to 1000 word descriptions / narrative about the videos they watched. We are looking for people that can watch videos objectively across 30 or so gay porn niches and give an unbiased, honest review / description / narrative of the video without injecting personal feelings of like or dislike of the genre into the subject matter. Output should be at least 30 videos watched / narratives written per month. Watch free gay porn online and get paid to write about it too! Contact us with a sample of your writing. We will then give you online access to watch a video and expect an audition piece to be written before we make our decision on awarding these contracts. If you like to write and like to watch gay porn, this extra income job is just perfect for you! Contact us now and let's get started.
Location: Open
Compensation: Free Online Video Account and Per Narrative Fee
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a contract job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine trying to do this job. The mental strain it would have on you, be it you are gay or straight. If you are a gay man, assuming you aren't a prude gay man, how are you going to make it through 30 videos a month without your dick chaffing from the inevitable masturbation-a-thon you will go through during said month? And after you get off, how are you even going to make it through the rest of the scene, let alone the rest of the video, let alone the rest of the 29 other videos, let alone write 500-1000 fucking words on essentially the same thing, only varying in degrees of debauchery? If you make it half-way, the mental images will engulf your everyday life and then you can't close your eyes without seeing a penis and shuttering. Shit, you might even turn straight.
If you are a straight male, the reprecussion hits in a different way. First of all, you won't make it all the way unless financial ruin looms on the horizons, threatening to take what little money you have left that is allocated toward rent, top ramen and weed. But lets say you tell yourself you are strong and can make it through, and you do. Then one day when your are trying to have sex with a girl and can't sustain a boner, guess where your mind is gonna turn to for assistance--the 30 niches of gay porn you watched and reviewed to pay your bills. Shit, you might even turn gay.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Bad Street Jerkers
So, this kid I can only identify as Sweet, as is the only part of his or her Youtube ID that doesn't consist of numbers, found some extremely disturbing move in the extremely bad videogame "Bad Street Brawlers." When I asked Sweet how did he or she find this out, the reply was, "One of my friends who likes old school nintendo games stated something about something really awkward looking in this game that had to do with this move, so I tried it out and this was the result."
P.S. That is a handjob you are seeing.
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